Thursday, November 10, 2016

I'm tired on top of tired...

 My entire life I have been a strong personality.  I’ve expressed my opinions and judgements without prompting, and I’m not always proud of how I’ve expressed myself because sometimes, it means I wasn’t listening.  As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned when to be patient and wait my turn, how to actually listen to others words and feelings and what they are expressing, how to hold empathy to understand their position and to do my best not to pass judgement.  My circumstances are different from others and I think it’s always important to find compassion. 
  When my baby was born, I have to admit, I was over the moon that it was a girl.  Of course I would have been happy if it was a boy too, but I really wanted a girl.  The reason is because women are complex.  Our complexities make us magical, unique and powerful.  I wanted the opportunity to bring to the world an amazing contribution (stay tuned…she’s only 1).
Here’s what makes me tired on top of tired.  I’m not one to just sit by and say nothing, when I see something wrong.  I’m tired of being told not to get my feelings hurt or not to be offended.  This is something said to me pretty much only by men.  Dude, my “feelings aren’t hurt” and I’m not “offended”, I’m fucking outraged!! That’s right!  It’s something so simple to you.  You think you should tell me how to think and feel, but you would never do that to another man.  If I say something, I’m just another “liberal feminist”, which is term you fling at me like its monkey shit.  As soon as I attempt to point out the failure in your argument, especially with regards to women, I get the “Oh no, here we go…”.  This condescension, that means as soon as I attempt to express my opinion (which I take great pains to make educated) you have already tuned me out.  Or perhaps you’ll listen like a parent to a child and roll your eyes. 
 You tell me I’m easily offended and to not take it all so seriously.  I’m not easily offended, I’m just not offended by the things you think I should be offended by.  I’m not offended by strippers or prostitutes, or really the choice any woman makes with regards to her life.  I’m am, however, offended by exploitation, sex trafficking, and child pornography.  I’m offended by government officials attempting to tell me what I can and cannot do with my body and making statements about rape such as:

“Granted, the percentage of pregnancies due to rape is small because it’s an act of violence, because the body is traumatized. I don’t know what percentage of pregnancies are due to the violence of rape. Because of the trauma the body goes through, I don’t know what percentage of pregnancy results from the act.”


“We do need to plan ahead, don’t we, in life? I have spare tire on my car. I also have life insurance. I have a lot of things that I plan ahead for.”

That’s right, I need to start planning ahead just in case someone decides to rape me!  I’m going to need to teach my daughter the same.  You know because it’s just a part of life!! Like getting a flat tire!

I do and I am going to take it seriously, because if I don’t, if I don’t say something how will anyone understand?  How will we make things change?  Should I be silent because you don’t want to take it seriously?  I have a feeling that is the real issue here.  Perhaps it makes you uncomfortable to have to consider how complex these issues really are.  Maybe you like your issues over simplified and without compassion because it’s easier that way.    
  I heard over and over again the argument that I shouldn’t support or like Hillary Clinton as a woman because she chose to stay with her cheating husband.  Well, thank you so much for man-splaining to me what women should stand up for.  Here’s the thing.  Not judging other women for their choices in their personal lives is rule No. 1 in the feminist hand book.  It’s none of my business what she does in her relationship with her husband.  How do I know they didn’t work it out, maybe they love each other so much and support each other that it really didn’t matter, but the real point is, who the fuck cares?!?! It’s none of my damn business.  My favorite part of the argument was the staying with her cheating husband because she wanted to further her career.  Okay, first of all that assumption is so misogynistic I begin to feel violent tendencies.  Second of all, if it’s true.  Do you really think women are treated equal in politics or… anywhere?  You really think a woman who left her husband after he cheated would have been able to keep her career?  Something she spent her entire adult life working towards?  Fought tooth and nail for, because, as a woman, she had to work twice as hard to get half as far? Hell no!! Seriously? Here’s your double standard.  We shouldn’t vote for a woman who stayed with her husband after he cheated but numerous men have been voted for and held office after cheating on their wives, even when one was sick with a terminal illness.  These are often mentioned in the news, very briefly but not really used as fodder against voting for them.  Hell, I didn’t really hear women being told they shouldn’t vote for Donald Trump because he had cheated on previous wives.  Why not, I mean, that should be more offensive to me as a woman, shouldn’t it?  As far as I’m concerned Trumps cheating was the least of his offenses towards women. 
Sure, I’m not really a fan of cheating, but when it comes down to it, it’s not really all that important.  Both women and men are basically hardwired to spread their genetic material, it’s the biological imperative.  Yes, I think cheating is wrong because it lends itself to hurting someone else and lying but I’m hardly going to find it “offensive”. 
You want me to be offended by a woman who chooses to stay with her husband after indiscretions, but not offended by a man who would rate me on my looks and body on a scale of 1-10.  You want me to be offended by a woman who remains in her relationship but not be offended or bothered by a man who brags about sexual assault and then acts like it was just “locker room talk”.  I should take a woman staying in her marriage seriously, but ignore a man who has been accused a rape.  Of course, that’s far less offensive, I mean, why would anyone take that seriously?  She’s probably lying anyway, right?
  I’m so lucky to have you to tell me what a woman should be “offended” by!!
I really love being told that my support for a woman president was because she was a woman!  Really?  So, of course her gender was clearly the most important thing to me, I wonder where she bought her pants suit and who does her hair!!  Of course, I’m a woman, I don’t research the issues and look into the candidates and research in depth the bullshit claims.  Did I assume you voted for Trump because you’re a racist, bigoted, xenophobe?  No, because that gross generalization would be insulting! I am curious as to how you can ignore and not take “seriously” those sentiments he regularly expressed during his campaign and even before, but perhaps you thought other issues were more important.   

Oh, and I’m sorry if I “offended” anyone, you must be over sensitive easily offended…

Friday, February 19, 2016

Top 10 things you don't need...

I'm a regular visitor to Pinterest and based on the Pins you post, it often suggests things it thinks you might find interesting.  I found several pins that lead me to blogs and suggestions like these:

9 things you don't need to buy for baby

baby gear you don't need

5 Reasons you need a...

Okay, so that last one has nothing to do with baby stuff, but goats are friggin' awesome!!

I totally know that these ladies are well meaning, and they sort of give good arguments to support their cases, however, it's important to remember that all circumstances are different.  Both of those ladies say you don't need a changing table but we use ours constantly (it's actually a kitchen island from Ikea, so I guess we can re-purpose it).  I get very tired of bending over all the time, so it's really nice to have one activity that you do so often at an adult height.  But that is just me...

With that said, here is my list of things you DON'T NEED:

1. See # 3
2. See # 3
3.  Other people telling you what you need or don't need.  You will figure this out on your own because each of us are different and have different needs.
4. See # 3
5. See # 3
6. See # 3
7. See # 3
8. A goat...
9. See # 3
10. See # 3

People may suggest things that were helpful to them and you can play out in your mind if you think it's something worth considering, but don't deny yourself the option to spend money on something you think you might use, just because someone else did not find it useful.

YOU do what YOU think is right, the rest is white noise.

I do highly recommend a white noise machine, it has really helped us.

Thursday, February 18, 2016

Afraid of the Dark...

We are six months (almost seven) in now, and it seems I have spent an equal amount of time with the moonlight as I have with the sunlight.  It's not that I am actually afraid of the dark (although I do have a nightlight), I'm afraid of what the darkness brings... lack of sleep.  There is a reason why sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture.  As night approaches and we begin our routine my anxiety begins to build.  I know, I know, I need to relax but it's not that simple.  So much of our routine simply doesn't work anymore.  She no longer has certain needs that I'm accustomed to meeting.  What do I do now?  It feels like I'm starting over, and I guess if you look at it from that perspective I am.  She's ready to start being in the world now and with that comes a pile of new needs and new challenges.  That past few days I have shakily been facing those challenges with zero confidence.  Again, how do people handle having more than one of these things?

Like many other times, when I don't know what's going on, I scour the internet looking for anything that resembles an answer or an explanation at,  Someone might be having or have had a similar experience and can relate or give a bit of guidance.  In past searches I have found some relate-able answers that I found helpful.  Oh, but this time, this time I'm met with a steaming pile of vague smarmy bullshit.  I type in a specific scenario into google, see something that sound similar and click.  There, I see some desperate mother, like myself, with a strange question wondering if this is "normal" or if she should be doing something different.  She's posted this question on a forum where other moms (non professionals) can respond and perhaps offer some sympathy, empathy, understanding or guidance.  What she's met with? Smarmy, judgmental, assholes.  What the hell!?

Then it hits me.  I've seen this type of thing everywhere lately.  Someone poses a question and quickly that question or comment is spun into a web of intentional misunderstanding and misinterpretation.  Why do we give ourselves permission to do this to each other?  We clearly aren't listening to each other, all we hear is our own righteous indignation we feel towards a relative stranger for no real reason in particular; as if they set out to offend us in particular.  Somehow the cyber bullying has a breached adulthood and found a new way to make others feel like shit.  I'm not just talking about the "Mommy" blogs, I'm talking all over Facebook, twitter, Tumblr, etc.  Twitter gives the everyday citizen an open forum to attack someone famous virtually to their face, as if they know them.  I don't particularly care for certain "celebrities" but I don't know them!! I know nothing at all about them, I have never actually met them so I am aware that the media can paint anyone into any light they want.

Here is where I will repeat that old adage: "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all".  While I am aware that there are a wide array of circumstances where this phrase does not apply, I'm specifically speaking about those times where one attacks another, because they simply didn't think or process another's meaning before jumping to conclusions.  Those memes that oversimplify and attack people and situations is bullying!! That's right folks, if you post an unfair comparison of what a "Hero" is, you are a bully.  If you post a meme that overly simplifies the complex ideals of a religious group or political group, you are bullying.

Stop the bullying!! There is enough ugly shit in this world for it to be fed by our unfair assumptions and judgement of each other.  Remember that river of slime in Ghostbuster's that kept getting bigger because people were assholes?  That's what it feels like is happening now.   It really doesn't hurt us to be a little nicer.   Just sayin'...

I would say Rant Over, but it's my blog and I'll rant if I want too!!