Thursday, December 31, 2015

A Practice in Patience... And the Sweatpants Kid.

Last night I got 6 hours sleep... With only one 2 hour stretch and then waking every hour until 6am. At this point, this pattern is not typical (thankfully) but when it happens I can barely remember how to go to the bathroom.  What was I doing?  Oh yeah...

For many months now, I have struggled to balance the many facets in my life.  Life, however, is next to impossible without sleep.  The list of things that make up "life" are ever changing and impossibly endless.

Life: (In no particular order)

Sleep - HA!
Eat - Must remember to eat!! Must remember to eat!! (Cold raspberry pop tarts count as a meal, right?)
Clean - Again, HA!!
Laundry - If I can remember to put it in the drier and not have to run it a 3rd time... We can live out the clean baskets this week so I don't have to fold it.
Work - Much easier to do with Sleep but you can't have everything, and I can really only work when she is sleeping.
Work - Choose to work instead of sleeping because I still have to pay bills.
Pay Bills - Didn't I just pay that?
Grocery Shopping -Now this is a fun adventure!! Let's see if Fuss Pants McGee let's me get the few things needed to put together a halfway decent meal. (Frozen Pizza, again?)
Keep my Shit together/don't freak out - At least on the outside, on the inside I'm screaming my head off.  This is where the practice in patience really begins...
Take care of the Dog - Oh Shit!! I have a dog!! Yep, she's still alive... Okay good.  My poor first baby... (She's been amazing through all of this)

Shower - I'll have time for this tomorrow, right? (Muttering to self... "I'll just put on some deodorant...)
Make dinner - Uhhhhhhhhhh.....(This is a struggle because the room where the baby sleeps is also open to the kitchen so it can't be done while she's sleeping either)
Get dressed - Seriously, can't I just go in this?  Who said sweatpants are not acceptable out of the house attire?  Who decided this?  Come on!

Of course, through all of this there is taking care of the baby.  Naps, diapers, feeding, playtime, baths,  bedtime, etc.

The things listed above are not all of the things that need to get done in any given day/week, but you get the idea.  These are things all of us need to do.  These are things I used to be able to do all of in one day! (Crazy, right?)  I often have to write these things down just to remember to do them, which feels insane to me!

I'm trying not to judge myself if I don't succeed in getting to any of the tasks listed.  Really, the baby is all that absolutely requires my attention.  Over time, my husband and I have come up with systems for some of the tasks.  At night, he does the laundry because he remembers to put stuff in the drier.  He also cares for the dog for the most part, and I hope she'll forgive my neglect some day.

 Nursing/Feeding time has become a time to meditate. The phone is no longer out and I don't read from my kindle anymore.  My sanity is best kept, if I breath through the struggle.  I'm forced to stop for a little while to feed her, so I find that is the best time to review and practice the patience I will need to survive.  This too, is difficult because I often find myself listing all the things I need to get done and then I start getting agitated.  "It's a practice", "it's a practice", "it's a practice" has become my new mantra.  I must remember that I don't have to be perfect now, I don't have to get everything done today.  Watching her learn to use her hands, I see her get frustrated (I'm so tired sometimes I forget how to use mine, so i can relate). I tell her over and over that it's a practice and she will get it in time; this is something I must remember to tell myself as well.

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